Dani

I am having a crisis of faith.

I am getting to the point where I really think I am not cut out for this. I feel so negative it is insane.

What can you do, then. I have tried to give myself pep talks and try to remind myself that those students in my classroom aren't being annoying on purpose and that they are only 7 but, ugh, the adults in my job are not making life any easier either.

So, in other words I need thanksgiving to be here now. K? Bye.

So, I have been currently in the process of not allowing myself to freakout. How, you ask? By just forgetting that I have anything to worry about.

Not the best strategy ever.

I have just recently become purely happy and content in the life I have, and now it is up for change again. I am just really not made for change, it just takes me too long to adjust.

I am currently looking for two different types of jobs, a nice summer part-time job to fill in the blanks of Erwin Center lull and then my for reals adult teaching position. Yay! I am so bad at the job search thing it is insane.

I really wish I was as evilly enterprising as the girl I work with, who seriously is like a shark in the water if there is a job that opens anywhere near her she will know. I used to admire her for her ability to talk to anyone and everyone but now that I know her work ethic I know that she doesn't earn that awe, she instead is the bitter example of how as longs as you know the right people it doesn't matter if you are a good worker or not, you win.

But I guess things could be worse judging by my friends, I could be going through a divorce or having members of my family died within weeks of each other.

Why can't everything feel as good as sinking into the sand and splashing around in the water?

Also, stinky wet dogs are far more awesome when the water is cold.

Today, during one of the many faculty meeting I attended I learned that Texas changed its pledge to include, "under god."


While there are many things I love about Texas, its constant need to take steps backwards in every social issue is starting to wear thin.

My parents are being extremely unhelpful right now.

While loading up the cars, all by myself, my parents keep closing doors behind me. I leave with a heavy object, they close the door, I come back inside to grab something else leaving the door open for a moment, they close it, I arrive at the door with something else in my arms and do that awkward lean against frame to try to free a hand dance and then they push me out of the way to open the door.

Just let me leave the door open for the five minutes it will take me to load the car.

Also, mom keeps having moments like this with me:

Mom: Have you packed the desktop up yet?

Me: *looks down at the hardrive in my arms*

Mom: It looks different in pieces.

I am beginning to think that I watch to many horror movies.

I was swimming in my backyard a few hours ago and I couldn't stop picturing myself getting pulled under the water by a shark or by some creature with tentacles.

Thanks, brain.

Watching movies with my mom is like being forced to listen to someone's mind work.

She makes comments about the plot of the movie that are so obvious that you already know, if you, in fact watching the movie like:

"That girl does not have good taste in boys." Yeah, her boyfriend is a skin head.

or

"They can't be out of trouble yet they are still in the ghost mist."

She also make comments so that are totally weird and random.

"I don't trust that doll."

She doesn't do this when we go see movies in the theaters because she knows that there is a no talking rule allowed.

I think I need to make the no talking rule extent to the home as well.

There were so many signs that I really should have never stepped outside of the house. First, the rain woke me up at 7am and hadn't stopped raining when I was due to go to class at 11am. Then my father called me up and told me that I really didn't have to go to my first day of class today (yesterday's class got canceled) and asked me how comfortable I felt about driving his huge ass truck: which is not at all. Lastly in going from my echo and to his truck which as a mere four feet the parts of me not shaded by the umbrella were completely soaked.

Still I climbed in my fathers truck and started my 40 minute drive to campus. The end of our street had its typical huge puddle which I managed to get through with some easy which set me up for failure later.

The island rode was getting so much rain that on my highest setting of windshield whipping I was still not seeing as well as I should for driving on the highway. The other side of the highway had huge puddles but I was pretty fine driving on my side. Until it started raining harder and I got to the end of the highway and I could not see the road at all.

Seriously, not at all.

So I made a scary U-turn in a huge puddle and had to make the trip back down the scary side of the highway where the puddle were so big that the water would cover my car completely so I could see anything.

I was on the verge of peeing myself the entire trip, but then nobody ever accused me of having nerves of steal.




*yes that is a terrible rip-off title but I am just joining the gang

I am about to head off to school to do forced physical education. If this were anymore like highschool I would be obsessively going to Hot Topic every weekend.

I had the weirdest dream last night.

I had married a coastguard man in a kind of vegas quickie wedding only to have him die at war a week later. Most of the dream was me feeling like I wasn't a good enough widow. That I wasn't crying enough for him, wasn't missing him enough, that he should have a more devastated wife.

What does that say about me that I dream about how emotionally involved I am in relationships?

So I knew this summer was going to be interesting the moment I was half way home from a long day of backing and stressing only to be pulled over for speeding.

Yay. My first speeding ticket. Awesome.

Also, why do other cars loathe people who go the speed limit around here. In Austin the only time people get pissed at you for going the speed limit is on the big highways. Here I can't even go down the 45 mile road to A&M at 50 without people riding my ass and passing me. I have been trying to be a good speeder and stick to the 65 range on the highways and on the Island road everyone and their dog passes me. I should just drive in the breakdown lane for their convience.

My classes aren't half bad so far.

My drawing class reminded me that I am much better at details than perspective, only shown more obvious with the professor picking my live drawing of two square to pick on for 5 minutes. If I had drawing anything that I had actually liked and wanted to draw I might have been in tears. I hope he isn't that harsh later in the class.

My sociology of education class actually has interesting readings, I am scarred for life. My only issue is with this one older guy in my class. He literally told me that the reason that kids go into gangs is that women are no longer in the home. Fuck you dude. If you are so worried about the kids you stay at home.

When I signed up to work the latest Disney ice show, I was expecting to be annoyed by tons of parents that were pissed off because they do have to buy tickets for their kids because it is, wait for it, a kid's show.

But I really should have known myself better, because so far I am totally charmed. This is Disney's Ice Princesses so this means that this whole event is insanely girly.

All around me are little girls dressed as their favorite princess acting extremely polite as if they were at tea parties. They also have dressed up our dining hall in pink and purple balloons.

Cute!

Well I have had toilet issue for a while now, with it running for longer than it should after a flush, this weekend it just wouldn't stop running so it was time to fill out a maintenance form.

I went into the office where it was extremely crowded but one guy was at his desk to help me, and as soon as I said maintenance form, the maintenance guy appeared over my shoulder and asked me what was wrong. He went over to my apartment and immediately saw the problem.

Awesome, right? It was totally going to be a quick fix. Then I hear cursing, then an eruption of water, and finally a hesitant "could you do me a favor?"

Then I had to spend the next twenty minutes holding our water line over the bathtub where it would go from a steady stream to a violent spray of water, while he worked on the toliet cursing.

Thankfully, now I am almost dry, the toilet is fixed, and the guy left in a good mood.

We have had a egg incubator in my classroom for week now, waiting for the chicks to hatch.

Apparently two of them hatched this easter, how super cute of them.

Having these chicks hatch before my eyes reminds me that though I love babies and think they are cute, I really find the whole birthing process disgusting. Thankfully when I have my own kids I will not get to see what happens. Ew.

Also we had a fire alarm go off for the first time ever when I was there, and boy it is freaky. The lights flash all of the hallway doors slam closed by themselves and you have to tell little scared children that nobody is going to die.

Well, for the past week I was pissed because I had broken my camera and I needed it for a project that was due soon. I messed, fiddle, and pleaded with my camera to work for hours. I rechecked it every day to see if maybe magically it would have been fixed my little gnomes in my sleep.

I went out and got myself a new 200 dollar camera. Took it out used it all day and it was funning bad ass. Called up dad and he asked me, "so you are sure it is broken?"

Yes, I have tried everything my brain said, but being me I had to double check again, the mother fucker works now. It was literally a case of me accidently bending some weird ass thing in the battery cage back in the right spot and it is all well now.

Shit.

Dear Jackasses outside of my window at 5am,

I love the song 'Sweet Caroline' too, and I know that it is fun to sing. But seriously, shut the fuck up! You are the only people still awake at this point.

I heard a bunch of noise and turned around to see this.



Squeaky, apparently, has no self image problems.

Dear Neighbors:

Okay I get that you have a band. That's cool. You are not that bad and your song is kinda pretty, but it is your only song apparently and you have been playing it for half an hour now. Either move on to another song or practice more quietly.

No love.

I have no luck with goldfish, after deciding to clean my goldfishes tank I found my goldfish dead not an hour later.

Apparently he was fine with his filth and I never should have messed with it.

How to tell you are quickly moving past the girl who feeds strays to crazy cat lady territory:

1. You have three alpha male cats trying to out spray the other for control of the area outside your door.

2. You have named 5 out of the 12 cats you are currently feeding.

3. You don't have just one bowl of food to feed them but you have had to create five stations of feeding to stop the fighting.